What you believe about yourself is who you are.
If it’s difficult to look in the mirror and say to yourself, “You are beautiful,” then you are a woman who isn’t allowing herself to be beautiful and you aren’t alone. Ninety-eight percent of all women don’t like how they look and think they need to lose weight or exercise to be considered beautiful. But the truth is believing you are flawed gives your power away and disconnects you from your body. Thinking you aren’t beautiful keeps you from feeling confident in your own skin.
There are many, many reasons why women don’t think they are beautiful and that’s a topic for another blog. What I want to tell you is I have good news!
The idea that we should strive as women to achieve beauty dictated by society is as dated as a phone book.
There is a new beauty paradigm in town that empowers women to own their beauty.
The new touchstone for beauty is the woman who loves her body like a best friend. What’s sexy and desirable now is the woman who embodies her own beauty. She sees and appreciates herself when she looks in the mirror. She isn’t afraid to dress in a way that makes her feel beautiful. She feels comfortable in her own skin. She seems calmer, easier and freer to be herself than other women.
She is the new beautiful, she is a Stellar Beauty. And guess what? She didn’t get there by dieting, exercising or changing her physical appearance. She got there by making a choice to believe in her own beauty. She got there by releasing all the old reasons she thought she wasn’t beautiful. All the excuses, all the societal triggers, all the things she was told when she was a kid.
Stellar Beauty is the sense of belonging, ease and naturalness being in your own skin. Having Stellar Beauty is far more powerful and effective than having society’s idea of the “perfect” body. With it, you are more confident, joyful and authentic. You radiate energy that lifts and inspires others to be themselves. If you can be open to the possibility of loving and embracing your body just the way it is, you will rediscover the Stellar Beauty you were born with.
OUTING THE BEAST
The first step to claiming your Stellar Beauty is becoming consciously aware of the negative body image chatter floating around in your head. I call her The Beast. The Beast builds her platform of persuasion that you aren’t beautiful in childhood and continues to compare you to thousands of digitally enhanced media images you see on a weekly basis. The Beast might say things like “You are too fat to be beautiful.” or “You look like a fool compared to her.”
Most of the time the Beast is lurking around in the back in your subconscious mind. You may not even be aware of what the Beast is saying when you look at yourself in the mirror. So, we are going to “out” the Beast using the following simple but effective mirror exercise. It’s designed to test the Beast and get all the negatives out of your head and on to paper. You’ll be using a large hand mirror or wall mirror to do this exercise.
“YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL” MIRROR EXERCISE
Get comfortable in a safe space in front of your mirror. The bathroom is a great place to do this exercise.
Say to your image in the mirror, “You are beautiful.”
Notice any resistance in your mind like, “No way!” or “You’ve got to be kidding” and write down your initial thoughts and feelings.
Imagine the way you feel in your body when you see something beautiful like a scene in nature. Bring that energy to the statement and continue repeating “You are beautiful” in the mirror. Notice changes in the tone of your voice and your level of belief in the statement. Keep writing down any negatives that come up.
Congratulations! You just “outed” your Beast and now you can consciously decide whether you want to believe these statements or not.
The Beast has good intentions for objecting to you believing you are beautiful. See which objections you relate to below. This will help you release old beliefs, so you embrace your beauty more fully.
As you continue to practice this exercise, notice what you love about your face and body. Change your statement to “You are beautiful because….“ and finish the sentence describing a physical characteristic you love. Keep repeating with as many positives as you want. Once you have written down your positive statements, post them on your mirror and repeat them every day for 30 days.
THE BEAST OF SHAME
Emotional Response: “No way, not me. I’m not beautiful.”
How it shows up: Wearing clothes that feel safe. Wearing clothes that don’t show your shape. Wearing black all the time when you really love color. Feeling bored about your wardrobe. Wearing the same thing over and over to not be noticed. Waiting till the last minute to purchase clothes for an upcoming event.
Underlying fear: Of standing out and being humiliated
Positive Intention: The Beast of Shame wants to protect you from being embarrassed or humiliated. She thinks something bad will happen if you stand out. Her line of reasoning is, “If you stay below the beauty radar and hide out, no one will notice, and you won’t risk being embarrassed about the way you look.”
Truth: You are not invisible. What people will notice is that you are trying to hide out and this non-verbal cue can speak louder than if you wear something you love and feel good in.
Old belief: Who I am isn’t special enough to be considered beautiful.
Reframe: When I show up feeling comfortable in my body and beautiful in my clothes, I have more energy, am more effective at work and more capable of helping others.
THE BEAST OF CONCEIT
Emotional Response: “What an arrogant thing to say! Who do you think you are?”
How it shows up: Being unwilling to spend money on nice clothes. Under dressing at social gatherings. Wearing only practical clothes. Being unable to receive compliments for the way you look or what you are wearing.
Underlying fear: Rejection and losing love.
Positive Intention: The Beast of Conceit wants you to be liked and wants to protect you from losing friendships. Her line of reasoning is, “If you think you are beautiful, you are trying to be better than others.”
Truth: Believing in your personal beauty encourages others to do the same. It is a physical demonstration of the way you want others to feel about themselves.
Old belief: Other people and the way they look and feel are more important than me.
Reframe: Believing in my beauty allows me to see beauty in others. People are drawn to my positive energy when I stand in my unique beauty. It’s easy to make friends.
THE BEAST OF RESIGNATION
Emotional Response: “I am too old, too fat, and too worn out to be beautiful.”
How it shows up: Not caring about how you look. Avoiding looking in the mirror. Wishing you were younger. Complaining about current fashion. Avoiding shopping altogether.
Underlying fear: Being excluded.
Positive Intention: The Beast of Resignation wants to protect you from being excluded. Her line of reasoning is, “If you don’t care about how you look you won’t know what you are missing.”
Truth: Apathy breeds discontentment, isolation and exclusion from life
Old belief: Beauty has an expiry date and I have passed it.
Reframe: Beauty comes from within and is expressed on the outside. I can cultivate beauty in myself no matter my age or size.
THE BEAST OF COMPARISON
Emotional Response: Compared to other women, I’m not beautiful”
How it shows up: Worrying about how others will perceive you. Feeling jealous or resentful of other women. Being unsure about what to buy or what to wear to events. Cancelling plans.
Underlying fear: Not measuring up, failure
Positive Intention: The Beast of Comparison wants to keep you from feeling disappointed in yourself. By comparing you with others, it keeps you failing.
Truth: Comparing and despairing only makes you feel worse
Old belief: If I’m not good enough or attractive enough I don’t have to try and therefore won’t be disappointed with results.
Reframe: I’m perfect as I am and what is important is that I enjoy being in my body
Are you craving a change in the way you view your body and your style?
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