Women use the word beautiful to describe many things; a sunset, a good meal, a book or even another person… but one thing is for sure, they don’t use it to describe themselves. 98% of all women believe they are not beautiful and only by diet, exercise or plastic surgery can they look good. Actually, that’s not true, even a woman considered to be beautiful by societal standards has difficulty owning her beauty.
But tell me, if a sunset, steak dinner or flower can be beautiful, why can’t you?
Women don’t think they are beautiful for a host of reasons and most of them come from how beauty has been defined in our society, especially by the beauty and fashion industries. Dictated by self-interested commercialism at the expense of your body-esteem, beauty is purposely marketed as an exclusive club to make you feel imperfect and in need of their products that promise the life you have always dreamed of. It’s good for industrial pocketbooks to get you to believe you aren’t beautiful.
As Julia, the keeper of the Beauty Closet in the new AMC TV series Dietland, says so aptly “they get us to pay them to tell us how broken we are and then we pay for the products to fix it. But we are never fixed because there is always some new way we don’t please our big brother beholder.”
Here is the truth-Whether you have been conditioned to believe you aren’t beautiful or you don’t fit in the narrow societal standards of beauty, WHAT YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOURSELF IS WHO YOU ARE.
Believing your body is flawed gives your power away. It holds you back from becoming the women you want to be. It’s not just how you look, but how you feel and think about your body that directly impacts your personal beauty and happiness.
The main character in Dietland, Plum Kettle, is a 300-pound talented writer and baker who ghost writes for the ultra-svelte Kitty, the head of popular Daisy Chain Teen magazine. She has been the victim of body-shaming all her life and turned it into personal shame and self-hatred. Plum is convinced her life won’t really begin until she loses weight. “I’m not beautiful, I’m fat,” she says.
Our obsession with dieting in the 20th century and desperate desire to be “thin and beautiful” is proof enough that we drank the advertising kool-aide and adapted the belief that only thin women get to have the dreamlife we fantasize about. In other words, “Fat=Ugly and if you are fat you won’t get what you want.” This deeply held adverse belief shared by most women of all shapes and sizes has spread down from generations of mothers to their daughters, secretly holding women back from fully and happily living their lives.
So, here’s the deal…….if you want to feel confident, comfortable and happy in your own skin.
First; you need to dump this belief!!!!!!!!!!!! The longer you believe that being fat (your definition of fat) denies you entrance to the “beauty club,” the longer you deny yourself the pleasure of feeling confident and at ease in your own skin.
The next step might surprise you…….
You now get to decide what you want to believe. You don’t have to lose weight, shape-up in the gym, or change your face to be beautiful……the next, most important step is to see your own individual beauty and make this simple, but important life-changing decision:
I Will See My Beauty When I Look in the Mirror.
Because it’s there. It’s just been awhile since you noticed. You have been too busy fretting over what you don’t like. You were born beautiful into a world with narrow standards of beauty. Most of us were celebrated by our parents the moment we came into the world. if you have your own children, it’s easy to imagine the excitement, hope and appreciation your parents felt when you were born. Your unique beauty fascinated your family. They wondered which traits you inherited from them and also loved you for being distinctive.
And here is the good news….
You owned your beauty as a little girl and lived freely in your body. As a toddler in the grocery store or airport, you brought smiles to strangers, momentarily lifting their hearts. You had a sense of belonging, ease and naturalness being in your own skin.
All you had to do was be yourself.
Well, guess what? You can have that same sense of belonging in your body you had as a child. Your beauty never really went away. At some point, you became vulnerable to the judgments of others and stopped believing in it.
Think about the natural talents you had as a kid and the happiness they brought you. Perhaps you were a run, jump, climb kind of tomboy who naturally found joy in active sports and became well-coordinated and strong doing what you loved. Or, maybe you had a natural skill with numbers that helped you excel in math. Would it make sense to completely discard these talents as an adult just because someone else might be considered better at it than you?
Of course not! Then why should you reject the beauty you were born with just because some women are considered by society to be better looking than you?
The old paradigm of elite beauty in society is undergoing a serious makeover. More women are getting fed up with feeling negative about their bodies just because they don’t fit the cultural model.
The new definition of beauty is what I call “Stellar Beauty” and it has everything to do with loving your body like a faithful friend and extending the warmth of self-acceptance you feel to others. In fact, I’ve written a book on it! If you would like to stay updated on publish dates for my book and find out more, click here.
Having Stellar Beauty is far more powerful and effective than having society’s idea of the “perfect” body. With it, you are more confident, joyful and authentic. You radiate energy that lifts and inspires others to be themselves. If you can be open to the possibility of loving and embracing your body just the way it is, you will rediscover your Stellar Beauty and understand how your body is the perfect vessel for expressing your talents and abilities.
If you would like to talk with me more about how to achieve your personal beauty from the inside out, click here. I would love to talk to you!
I’ll be posting a weekly blog on the important issues women face with regards to their image. You can subscribe to it here.